drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
