the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
