Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize