So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
