You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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