I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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