I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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