Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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