what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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