the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I lost the right to judge tonight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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