You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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