when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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