I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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