I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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