I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
