She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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