In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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