the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
