Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
