I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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