Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my shit smells like andre
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
