he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
