1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
