I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
