At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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