he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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