ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
