I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
