Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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