I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
