her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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