I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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