Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
