Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
