You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
