I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize