just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
