I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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