I met the friendliest cop last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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