Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
