During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
