There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
