Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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