And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
