I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
