Say something about gay babies.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
