My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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