# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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