i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
