You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
