Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
