So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize