Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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