I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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