PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
