Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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