Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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