My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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