2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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