just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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