she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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