Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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