ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
