he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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