he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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