Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
