You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
