went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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