i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
