Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
