How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
