Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
