im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
