were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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