Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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