I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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