I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
