end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sext me about skeletons
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
