whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
