you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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