..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
