I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
