Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
