I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
