This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think i have herpe
just one?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
