Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
