you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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