I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
