I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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